Dear Mr. Panchero

Dear Mr. Panchero,

Its no secret that I am a huge fan your Panchero’s restaurants (heretoforeafterevermore referred to as “Panchies” or “The Panch”). A brief rundown of my Panchies experiences:

• I frequented The Panch so many times that the friendly workers there knew me by face (but not name, they couldn’t seem to remember “Amish”)
• Although I showed up a half hour after closing, the proprietors of the Ann Arbor location have actually opened up the door and sold me a burrito, knowing that I would not sleep well if I did not get it.
• My Spanish is weak, so I’m not exactly sure what was said, but I may have also promised to bring them a girl in exchange.
• That girl may or may not have been my sister.
• The number of free burritos earned from Buy-10-Get-1-Free is somewhere in the double digits. And that’s just senior year.
• I perfected the 7-word-shuffle, the simultaneous walk down “Ingredient Lane” while declaring my order in perfect Spanish. “Burrito-Arroz-Pinto-Pollo-Cheese-Picante-Crema.” Yes, I know cheese is not really Spanish, but let me tell you, I can say it with a pretty good accent.
• I have been known to drop $5 bills into the tip bucket. Not intentionally, but its been done.
• Most recently, I have turned down leaving a bar with a girl I had been making out with in favor of getting a burrito. And not just any burrito, my friend. My third in 24 hours.

So I was shocked, absolutely shocked, this past weekend when I went home to Florida. I was playing around on my computer, with the TV on in the background, when I heard a familiar line from the voice on TV. “Its all about the tortilla.” I looked up, but was too late. “No way,” I thought. “They can’t really be advertising on TV!” I had heard rumors of Panchero’s restaurants opening in Florida, but did not think that the brand had a media presence. A few hours later, I caught the commercial, the entire commercial. It blew my mind. Turns out you have 5 restaurants already open in Florida, with two more on the way. Then, today I found out that you also recently opened a location near Chicago..

Although I am happy that your organization is experiencing such wonderful growth, the honest truth is that I’m a little bit upset.

Why aren’t you opening a location in New York?

I mean, COME ON. This is New York! Why AREN’T you opening a location here? Do you know how big the market for your burritos is? Your food would take over the city! I would visit you every other day! I can think of at least, like, 5 or 6 other people that would be happy to see you here!

So please Mr. Panchero, please open a location in New York City as soon as possible. Florida has 5 and Illinois has 1, so I think its only fair that we get one too. You know. Because.

Regards,
Amish

P.S. If you happen to know other high-ups in the biz, could you pass along the message that I’d also like to see the following things in New York: Potbelly’s Sandwiches, Sit-down Pizza Hut, Olive Garden that doesn’t look like Olive Garden so that I don’t feel ashamed if I go there because this is New York City and people in New York City shouldn’t go to Olive Garden.