Saturday was the wedding for those friends of mine that I bought a lot of gifts for. Despite the 8 hour drinkathon that it would become, I do actually remember some of the details from it…

The event was held at the Puck Building. The bride and groom were both Jewish, so I got to witness my first Jewish ceremony, and I learned a lot of new things. For example, the structure under which the ceremony was held is called a Chuppah, and the bride and groom signed some document that I think begins with a ‘K’ that means something that I can’t remember…So yeah, I didn’t learn that much. But the stomping on the glass part was neat.

Turner and Briggs, two good friends that I interact with on a near-daily basis, were a groomsman and the best man, respectively. I didn’t know about either of these until about 3 minutes before the ceremony. I guess we’re not that good of friends.

I know there are girls reading this, so let me just say this. Don’t ask me about the dress. There’s probably all kinds of random questions you want to ask that I don’t have the answer to (unless you are satisfied with “It looked like a dress”).

The bride and groom exchanged vows they had written themselves. Now, despite the badass/hardass appearance that this blog gives me, I actually tend to be somewhat of a softy. Certain things can make me choke up a little, like the “I got off the plane” scene from the Friends finale, or the scene in ‘Rookie Of The Year’ when Rowengartner loses his pitching ability and freaks out on the mound, then part of his glove rubs off and he sees that it actually used to be his mom’s glove, not his dad’s like he previously thought, and then he looks up at her in the stands and gets the inspiration for ‘the floater’ and wins the game and everyone starts cheering and he also reconciles with his best friends and everyone is happy. Man that always gets me. So yeah, I’ll admit it, my eyes got a little watery (just a little, I swear) during the vows. Partly because they were well written (even the groom was choking up a little), and partly because I was a little jealous. I’ve never said anything remotely similar to those kind of words to anyone before. The closest time was a couple weekends ago when I was in Ann Arbor. And it wasn’t even to a person…it was to a burrito.

You know what’s thoughtful and wins points? Going to the bar, grabbing two glasses of champagne, and bringing them over to the bride and groom because they are tied up talking to people and can’t break free to get a drink themselves. Now if I could only figure out a way to get a hot, single girl to witness me doing this and then fall in love with how good of a person I am.

I danced my first Hava Nagila. And by danced, I mean held hands with people and ran around in circles while trying not to bump into other people. I’m pretty sure that there’s an actual dance to that song, but I sure wasn’t doing it. And by the way, the Hava Nagila is a very long song.

Briggs made a great ‘Best Man’ speech. My favorite part was “[Groom and Bride] met at a frat party. Not sure how many of you, um, have BEEN to a fraternity party, but, y’know, marriage…probably isn’t in the top, um, in the top 250 things that come to mind when someone says FRAT PARTY!…but, things worked out for the best.”

5 hours of open bar can be a lot of fun. Especially when kamikaze shots of epic proportions are served to you in wine glasses.

Hmm let’s see, what else…

When requesting a song, its generally a good idea to know 100% of the lyrics to said song. Or at the very least, not get too excited during the parts of the song that are known. Otherwise, there’s a good chance that the videographer will come over and focus the camera on you for an extended period of time. Rocking out with an air guitar is a good distraction for one line of the song at best, but after that, its a little awkward if lips aren’t moving (or are singing obviously wrong lyrics). Learn the words, so you don’t look like an ass in front of all your friends and the video camera. I learned this the hard way. (Damn you Journey!)

After the reception ended, the bride and groom and all of their friends went to the bar across the street for the afterparty. Which brings me to the

Top eleven things that are enjoyable when consumed individually, or sometimes in pairs or triples, but not when consumed all together over an 8 hour period:

(in chronological order, exact quantities of each not known)

1. White Wine
2. Heinekens
3. Champagne
4. Red Wine
5. Champagne
6. Kamikaze Shots
7. Champagne
8. Kamikaze Shots
9. Vodka Tonics (They ran out of champagne)
10. Soco Lime shots
11. Miller Lites

I was going to include a drawing depicting how my night ended, but I think its best if I don’t. Let’s just say I had to make a pit stop between getting out of the cab and going into my building.