Allow me to explain (because that’s what I do here on this little bloggeroo)…

I’ve lost count, but I think I’ve owned somewhere around 10-12 cell phones since 1998 (I was an early bloomer). The average lifespan of these phones was low, somewhere around seven to eight months, and death was usually brought about by a manufacturing defect, switching carriers, or in one instance, theft.

But my current cell phone has been unlike any other cell phone I’ve ever owned before. It’s been dropped. It’ s been kicked. It’ s been in snow, fallen down stairs, had water spilled on it. For a while it was held together by a rubber band, and I thought the end might be near. But it bounced back, better, stronger, faster. It’s lack of pleasant appearance and meaningful features has made it its own theft-deterrent, and Verizon has been too good a carrier for me to leave. It has defied all laws of cell-phone physics and refused to die for nearly 2 years.

On Friday, the phone’s unwavering resilience led me to test its limits and intentionally mistreat it.

Rishi: Amish, toss me your phone….WOAH! Don’t actually toss it!
Amish: Why not?
Rishi: What if I don’t catch it and it breaks?
Amish: It won’t.
(Tosses phone, Rishi misses, phone drops)
Amish: See?…OK throw it back.
(Intentionally lets it drop)
Amish: This thing won’t die.
(Picks phone up, tosses phone a few feet away)
Amish: Its fucking immortal.

On Saturday, this culminated in random, unprovoked displays of cell phone bravado.

Amish: Hey Rudy, check it out…my cell phone is indestructible.

Without waiting for a response, I launched my phone. It was then that the magical powers of 58th street mentioned in the title of this post kicked in. Somehow, at the cusp of my toss, a hidden force triggered my biceps; they flexed extra flexy-like and sent the phone into a higher-and-longer-than-usual trajectory. Simultaneously, Manhattan squeezed its gluteous concretaximus, particularly about 20 feet away from where I was standing.

Possessed flying phone met concrete. Phone went one way. Battery went another. Concrete stayed where it was.

Sidewalk 1
Cell phone 0