You might not remember me. I’m the guy whose jeans you ruined. Remember me now?

I’m not sure how, but you managed to get ink on my jeans while I was asleep. And then you had the audacity to think that I wouldn’t notice.

I noticed. I’m a goddamn Corporate Detective. I get paid to notice things. For example, I noticed that you were in your seat when I boarded the plane. I noticed that you were doing work. I noticed the motherfucking black pen in your hand. So what made you think I would wake up from my nap and not notice a big ink stain on my lap?

To be fair, when I woke up, I did not immediately blame you for the stain.

“Maybe it was already there. Perhaps I am so exhausted that I did not notice the stain until 5 hours after I put these jeans on. Maybe it happened when I was at Denny’s, and in my weary state I did not catch it when I boarded the plane and stared at my lap for half an hour waiting for the plane to take off.”

Yeah-fucking-right.

I had a suspicion it was you. But you had already put your papers and pen away. You saw that I was awake, but you said nothing. You sat there with your arms folded, staring at the TV screen that Delta so graciously provided you.

I too did not say anything. As someone in the legal field (I noticed the words “asbestos” and “defendant” on your paperwork), you know that one is innocent until proven guilty. I had no proof.

But you were restless. The urge to do more work overpowered you. Out came the papers, and…what? No pen? Wierd!

Then, I noticed something else. I caught you red black-handed. Did you honestly think I wouldn’t notice the ink,the blood of your sin, all over your hands?!

You ruined my jeans, sir in 10E. They were designer jeans. Ok, there’s a pretty good chance they’re fake, but the tags say Diesel nonetheless. There’s also a chance that you made my jeans look “cooler” and more “trendy.” But damnit, I’m not willing to take those chances. I expect reparations!

Roundtrip airfare to Mumbai $1600
Diesel Jeans $14
Total: $1614

I’ll settle for $50.

Regards,
Guy in 10F