Dear Sir in Seat 10E

You might not remember me. I’m the guy whose jeans you ruined. Remember me now?

I’m not sure how, but you managed to get ink on my jeans while I was asleep. And then you had the audacity to think that I wouldn’t notice.

I noticed. I’m a goddamn Corporate Detective. I get paid to notice things. For example, I noticed that you were in your seat when I boarded the plane. I noticed that you were doing work. I noticed the motherfucking black pen in your hand. So what made you think I would wake up from my nap and not notice a big ink stain on my lap?

To be fair, when I woke up, I did not immediately blame you for the stain.

“Maybe it was already there. Perhaps I am so exhausted that I did not notice the stain until 5 hours after I put these jeans on. Maybe it happened when I was at Denny’s, and in my weary state I did not catch it when I boarded the plane and stared at my lap for half an hour waiting for the plane to take off.”

Yeah-fucking-right.

I had a suspicion it was you. But you had already put your papers and pen away. You saw that I was awake, but you said nothing. You sat there with your arms folded, staring at the TV screen that Delta so graciously provided you.

I too did not say anything. As someone in the legal field (I noticed the words “asbestos” and “defendant” on your paperwork), you know that one is innocent until proven guilty. I had no proof.

But you were restless. The urge to do more work overpowered you. Out came the papers, and…what? No pen? Wierd!

Then, I noticed something else. I caught you red black-handed. Did you honestly think I wouldn’t notice the ink,the blood of your sin, all over your hands?!

You ruined my jeans, sir in 10E. They were designer jeans. Ok, there’s a pretty good chance they’re fake, but the tags say Diesel nonetheless. There’s also a chance that you made my jeans look “cooler” and more “trendy.” But damnit, I’m not willing to take those chances. I expect reparations!

Roundtrip airfare to Mumbai $1600
Diesel Jeans $14
Total: $1614

I’ll settle for $50.

Regards,
Guy in 10F