While droves of people left the city for beaches, vacations, and whatever else it is that people with more money than me do, I decided to stick around this Memorial Day weekend and officially kick off the summer right here in NYC. Fortunately, we were blessed with great weather and I spent most of my time outdoors, learning a few things about the city along the way. For example:

You cannot play with balls on Sheep Meadow in Central Park.

On Sunday afternoon, some friends and I decided to take advantage of the weather and meet up in Central Park. We gathered in Sheep Meadow, broke out our baseball gloves, and began a friendly, harmless game of catch. Fifteen minutes later, our game was interrupted by a nearby (older) Frisbee thrower.

FT: Can you guys please stop using us as a backstop?
My Friend Brian: What are you talking about?
FT: Can you stop using us as a backstop?
Brian: We haven’t let a single ball go by us.
Amish (from a distance): What’s going on?
FT: JUST STOP USING US AS A BACKSTOP!

Unsure of what his problem was, we ignored him and continued throwing the ball around. Shortly thereafter, a young couple also started a game of catch near us. The girl threw an errant ball that rolled to within a few feet of the Frisbee player and his group. As the girl’s boyfriend went to retrieve the ball, the Frisbee player FLIPPED OUT.

FT: I told you guys to stop using us as a backstop!
Other Baseball Guy: What?
FT: Stop using us as a backstop! You guys have pushed us over twice now. You’re not even allowed to play with balls on Sheep Meadow.
OBG: What are you talking about?
FT: You’re not allowed to play with balls out here! There are signs posted all around Sheep Meadow!
OBG (shouting match ensuing): You’re being ridiculous. Everyone here is playing with balls! [a true statement]
FT: THAT DOESN’T MATTER. IT’S NOT ALLOWED. The signs say so! THERE ARE LITTLE KIDS PLAYING AROUND HERE! Someone could get hurt! AND THE SIGNS SAY YOU CAN’T PLAY WITH BALLS.

A quick glance around the surrounding area shows zero little kids in our immediate vicinity. The Frisbee thrower picks up the Other Baseball Guy’s ball off the ground and throws it in a direction away from OBG, then goes to get something out of his bag.

At this point, various other people from the Frisbee Thrower’s posse are chiming in with remarks about how ball-playing is not allowed on this field.

FT: Look it says it right here [Points to a piece of paper in his hand]…You CANNOT play with balls on this field.

Amish [incredulously]: You printed out a picture of the sign?! Are you serious?!

At this point, OBG has had enough of this guy and goes to retrieve his ball.

OBG: Everyone here is playing with balls man, stop being such a jerk.
FT: Stop using us as a fucking backstop!
Amish: HEY WATCH YOUR MOUTH! THERE ARE LITTLE KIDS PLAYING AROUND HERE!

My sarcasm was apparently lost on the guy, who was now stomping around angrily, mumbling his anger at me. I was finding this all too amusing and wanted to egg him on.

Amish: Just calm down, man.
FT: NO…I’m not acting, I’m reacting. [To his cooler-headed friend who was now intervening] Am I acting or reacting?
FT’s Friend: You’re reacting…[To us] come on guys, let’s talk about this.
Amish: [confused by the acting/reacting exchange] Huh? Talk about what?
FTF: You guys shouldn’t be playing out here.
Amish: This field is big enough and no one seems to have a problem with it.
FTF: Why don’t you find another spot to play?
Amish: Why don’t you?
FTF: We were here first.
Amish: I’m pretty sure none of us pushed you out of the way.
FTF: Yeah you did.
Amish: No we didn’t.
FTF: YES. YOU DID. You can’t play with balls here anyway.
Amish: Well, you’re the only ones with a problem with us being here. Why don’t you just move?
FTF: Because we were here first.
Amish: No you weren’t.

Brian eventually realizes this is going nowhere and tries to cut off the conversation between me and FTF.

Brian: Hey Amish, are my flip-flops over there?
Amish: (completely missing the point) Huh, what?
Brian: My. Flip. Flops. Are they there?
Amish: Oh, um yeah let me look for them.

We walk three, maybe four, steps away from Frisbee Throwing posse and start playing catch again. They sit down and give up on playing Frisbee.

Moral of the Story: You can’t play with balls on Sheep Meadow. And if you do, only one person will really care. And if you see him, just keep playing with your balls.