9:45pm: We pick up Rishi and start the two hour drive down. The ride down was pretty uneventful. We’re all really close friends, Entourage has just ended, 24 hasn’t yet begun, and we were all completely sober, so there’s not a whole lot for us to talk about. I make a comment about needing someone to stay awake with me on the drive back, and Suj promises that he’ll sit up front and keep me awake.

10:00pm: Rishi whips out a chart of basic blackjack strategy that he printed off the internet and starts quizzing us. Sachin fails miserably on just about every question.

10:04pm: It smells like shit in the car, so I ask if anyone farted. Everyone denies.

10:32pm: I get bored with the blackjack quiz, so I start playing with the satellite radio.

AMISH: “I don’t mind if you guys don’t mind…”
(silence while everyone listens)
ALL OF US: “SINCE YOU’VE BEEN GOOOOONNNE, I CAN BREATHE FOR THE FIRST TIME….!!!”

10:56pm: It smells like shit again. Everyone starts throwing blame at each other, when one of us realizes…its not fart, it’s New Jersey.

11:45pm: We finally reach the outskirts of Atlantic City, and drive to the Borgata first. We’re pretty sure all the tables have high minimum bets, so we contemplate going somewhere else. But there’s no fee to enter the parking garage, so we decide to check it out. Its supposed to be Atlantic City’s newest and nicest casino.

11:46pm: We haven’t even stepped inside yet, but already made 4-5 Jersey-Trash jokes.

12:00am: We walk around the casino floor. Every imaginable Jersey-Trash stereotype has decided to visit this casino. We laugh at the hot (but trashy) girls. We check out the card tables, but they all have higher minimum bets than we can afford, so we don’t sit down.

12:18am: Sachin and Suj find a $10 craps table and buy in.

12:28am: It’s only been 10 minutes and Sachin’s already lost $120. Since I’m writing this story up so late, I’m going to go ahead and compare his pathetic performance to Michigan’s game against Notre Dame last weekend. God, that’s sad to admit.

12:29: Suj orders a Jack On The Rocks. Yeah thats right…He’s the first person to order a drink. (For the unfamiliar, Suj does not drink heavily that often. He’s such a lightweight that he actually loses weight when he drinks…so when Suj takes the charge in drinking, you just knowthe night is gonna be interesting.)

12:40am: We wait around for Suj’s drink to come, and during that time, he loses $60. I’m thinking to myself, “Its going to be a short night, but at least the parking was free.”

12:45am: We start to leave the parking lot and see a giant sign that says “PARKING: $5“. FUCKING BASTARDS EVEN GOT US ON OUR WAY OUT.

1:00am: We drive over to the main strip (if you can call it that) and find another parking lot. The good people at Cesaer’s were kind enough to tell us in advance about the parking fee. I make a mental note to not spend my last 5 bucks, because let’s face it, Rishi didn’t know much about blackjack, Sachin was flushing money down the toilet, and Sujeet was, well, Sujeet was drinking. I was pretty sure I was the only one who might have money at the end of the night.

1:10am: Fast forward to the Wild West Casino. Suj (accurately) describes the clientele as resembling a cross between that of Ricky’s costume shop in the middle of March and Port Authority at 1:45am on a Wednesday. We walk around and check out the scene for a little bit.

1:30am: Sachin and Suj decide to try their luck at Craps again. Rishi and I are ready to start gambling, so we break off to find a BlackJack table. Rishi wants to ask someone if it’s ok to use a cheat sheet.

RISHI: Is it ok to use this little guide?
PIT BOSS: I don’t care.
RISHI: So it’s OK?
PIT BOSS: Some of the other people might not like it.
RISHI: But it’s OK?
PIT BOSS: I….DON’T….CARE

1:35am: We start off at seperate tables but I soon move over to join Rishi. The play was slow. We were playing minimum bets, and we weren’t losing, but we weren’t winning much either. Rishi had busted out his strategy cheat sheet, and was trying not to be obvious about looking at it by putting it on his lap….it was pretty obvious, and I think its safe to say that everyone in the casino was laughing at him.

The highlight of the table was one of the other players that was sitting with us, who looked like a shorter version of Jeff Foxworthy. He had a HUGE wad of cash, and would play three $500 hands at a time. It was insane how big his swings would be. He was also pretty drunk and kept making random conversation with people, including telling a 60 year old woman she was beautiful.

2:08am: Sachin and Suj are still playing craps so I take a break from blackjack to see how they’re doing (leaving my chips at the table with Rishi to hold my spot). Sachin and Sujeet are too engrossed in the game to really respond to me, but I notice a few empty drink cups near them. As I walk back to play more backjack, I hear groans from the craps table.

2:22am: Still playing blackjack. There’s a seat open next to the drunk guy with the wad of cash. At one point, the seat is taken by a tall African-American man. And by that I mean, pretty big, scary-lookin, black dude. On his first hand, he’s dealt a blackjack.

Drunkie McMoneybags: Hey is your name Jack?
Big Black dude: Nah.
Drunkie McMoneybags: Well at least you got the Black part!….Heeeeey!

And then he gives him a high five.

We sit there in shock….until the black guy gives his Its-OK-you-can-laugh laugh. Then we start cracking up. I guess when you’re winning money, racial jokes aren’t offensive!

2:49am: I take another break from blackjack and head over to watch some more craps. I start talking to Suj, who seems a bit excited…and tipsy. He’s definitely put back a few more Jack-on-the-Rocks.

AMISH: How’s it going?
SUJ: Get away! You’re bad luck!
AMISH: HUH? What are you talking about?
SUJ: Last time you came over, as soon as you turned to leave, the shooter crapped out and we all lost money.
AMISH: (Laughing) Haha, my bad.
SUJ: It’s all good! I’ve been rolling for like 35 minutes and everyone is making money! I don’t give a shit! (Yes, he was yelling all of this).
AMISH: You’re drunk….I’m gonna go back and play Blackjack.
(I turn to leave)
CASINO MAN: Seven out! Seven out!
AMISH: Oops! (laughing)
EVERYONE AT THE CRAPS TABLE: Booooooooo!!!!!!! Get outta here!!!!

3:10am: I’m back at the blackjack table, and I’m up only up like 30 bucks. Sachin and Suj come up and start pestering us to leave and go somewhere else. Suj is fiending for more Jack, so I agree to leave after one more hand. I end up doubling down and winning, so I cash out and leave.

3:15am: We end up at Cesear’s and since its after 3am, we think there will be some cheaper blackjack tables opening up. We start to walk around but Sachin spots another $10 craps table and Sujeet spots a cocktail waitress, so we don’t make it far. I decide to give craps a try and we all take up spots at the table.

3:20am: Suj gets the Jack on the rocks that he ordered. This is the first time I’m playing a game with him so I’m just now realizing how drunk he’s getting. I’m hoping he’s going to keep good on his promise to stay awake on the drive back. We start playing craps and fortunately don’t lose money right away.

3:35am: Suj orders another Jack. Jesus fucking Christ. This ride home is going to be brutal.

3:40am: Suj and Sachin both take their turns rolling the dice. We make a small amount of money, but their turns don’t last too long. Suj is getting drunker by the second, hears music, and strikes up a conversation with the casino worker that’s working at our end of the table.

SUJEET: Hey, this is Donna Summers, right?
CRAPPER: Hahaha….no.
SUJEET (incredulous): What? No? I thought Donna Summers sang this song.
CRAPPER: Well the original version is Donna Summers, but this isn’t her.
SUJEET (accusing the lady of lying): Are you sure? This sounds like Donna Summers. Who sings this version?
CRAPPER: Um….the singer standing next to the band in that lounge over there….

Its official. Suj is that guy for the night.

3:45am: The moment I’m waiting for. It’s finally my turn to roll the dice. We’re all up a little bit of money, and I am getting a hang of the game, so we start betting a little more.

3:50am: Sujeet orders another Jack on the rocks, against my recommendation for water.

3:55am: I’m still rolling and Suj’s Jack arrives. Good lord.

4:00am: An Asian lady with a big bankroll is making a lot of big, confusing, bets. We have no clue what the hell she’s doing, but they put some yellow chip with the word “Buy” written on it over one of her bets.

SUJEET (trying to make a comment under his breath, but failing miserably): What the fuck does that mean? Pay me Bitches?!

4:10am: I’m still rolling and making everyone on the table (especially the Asian chick) a TON of money.

SUJEET (losing all semblance of inner monologue): Yo, you better be buying me BREAKFAST after I WORK YOU OUT later tonight.

4:20am: I hit another big roll and the table makes a lot of money. Sujeet turns to me and kisses me on the cheek. Everyone at the table, including me, stare at him thinking “DUDE….WHAT…THE….FUCK?”

4:22am: Suj orders yet another Jack on the rocks.

4:24am: Suj turns to me.

SUJEET: Hey, did we get that last round of drinks we ordered?
AMISH (hoping it’ll never come): Um, yes?
SUJEET: Oh man, that stinks. I should get another one.
AMISH: NO

Seconds later.

RISHI: Suj, here’s your Jack.
AMISH: FUCK.

4:27am: I finally roll a 7 and end my turn. The dice move around the table and I lose some of the money back. Finally a black guy at the other end starts his turn. Sujeet has lost all voice of reason, and tries to give a vote of confidence to him.

SUJEET: Everything else works against the minorities, CRAPS IS ALL WE GOT, MAN!

4:30am: I’ve lost enough of my winnings at Craps, and I’ve had all of Suj I can handle for the moment, so I head to find Rishi and play a couple more hands of blackjack.

5:10am: Suj and Sachin find us and try to get us to leave. I’m doing pretty well in blackjack so I tell them I want to stay, but then Sachin tells me its past 5am. I had NO idea it was that late. We all cash in whatever chips we have. Sachin, Rishi, and I all ended up with a little over a hundred each (yes, even Sachin somehow turned his game around). Sujeet cashes in his chips, but then can’t remember what he started with, so has no clue if he won or lost.

SACHIN: How the hell did Suj end up the drunkest out of all of us?
SUJEET: Dude….I’m not…drunk….I’m speaking…..cro-herently.
ALL OF US: WOW

5:20am: We head out of the parking lot.

ATTENDANT: $5 please.
AMISH: Is there a Taco Bell around here?
ATTENDANT: There is, but its closed.
AMISH: GOD DAMMIT! How about in a 15 mile radius?
ATTENDANT: Not that I know of. There’s a McDonald’s open around the corner.
AMISH: But no Taco Bell?
ATTENDANT: NO.

5:30am: We go to McDonald’s to get food.

SUJEET: I got some food. And I got a coffe…for YOU, man.
AMISH: Why? I already ordered a Diet Coke.
SUJEET: No, not FOR you. It’s for me.
AMISH: Huh? Suj, you don’t drink coffee.
SUJEET: I know. But I made a promise to stay awake.
AMISH: I think we’ve all realized you’re not keeping that promise.

He refuses to cancel his order and give up. He only drinks one sip before throwing it out.

6:00AM: We get on the road. The sun is getting ready to rise.

6:03AM: The Counting Crows - Mr. Jones is playing on the radio. We all start to sing a long.

EVERYONE BUT SUJ: Sha-la-la-la-la-yeah
SUJ: Sha-la-la-ZZZZZZZZZZZ

6:20AM: This drive is killing me. I’ve never pulled a complete all-nighter, and I’m drawing close for the first time in my life. I can barely maintain focus on the road. Sachin has passed out too, but fortunately Rishi is staying awake with me.

6:40AM: Rishi and I start to play brainteasers to keep ourselves awake (yeah, we’re dorks).

RISHI: (blah blah blah brainteaser)
AMISH (zoning out): What?
RISHI: (repeat brainteaser)
AMISH: Um, what?
RISHI: (repeat brainteaser)
AMISH: Huh?
RISHI: (repeat)
AMISH: Say that last part again?
RISHI: Do you even know what we’re talking about.
AMISH: Um…what?

7:00AM: The sun rises more and I catch a second wind. Rishi and I continue our brainteasers to stay awake. We were both pretty much just talking nonsense at this point.

8:00AM: We finally reach home. I’ve pulled my first all nighter. As we get in the elevator, Sachin and I get a whiff of Sujeet. He smells like he brought New Jersey home with him.

The story ends there. Amazingly, Sujeet wakes up like four hours later with absolutely no hangover.

It must’ve been the coffee.