I have no clue why I haven’t shared this story with you all, because it happened 8 months ago. It’s one of those events where you wake up the next day thinking “Man, that was a fucked up dream,” and while nursing your hangover at a diner with your friends, you start to tell them the story, but finish with “Holy Shit! I can’t believe that actually happened!

Anyway, this took place last December. Ragu and Sina were in town from Chicago/Michigan and we all went to a bar in the village to meet a bunch of other friends from UMich.

Fast forward a few dozen Citron & Tonics and SoCo Limes.

Ragu, Sina, Sachin, and I are sharing a cab back to our apartment. Its pretty late, we’re all pretty fucked up, but we don’t feel like ending the night. We were trying to figure out what else to do or if we should get food, when someone (I can’t remember who) says “Let’s go to a strip club!”

The other three of us immediately say “OH HELL YEA!” Because, let’s face it, we were four guys sharing a cab home at 4 in the morning. We NEEDED some boobies in the picture. Boobies in our faces.

We divert our cabbie to the local establishment, called Flashdancers, which is a few blocks down from our apartment. We walk up to the front door, where we’re met by the bouncer (who dresses like an old fashioned doorman), and he tells us that they are closed for the night.

We were disappointed. Not ones to give up that easily, we ask the doorman, “Pray tell, are there any other fine gentlemen’s clubs that are open nearby?” Not really. We pretty much just said “Know where any other naked girls are?”

The doorman responds. “No, but this guy probably does…Hey, [to other guy], do you know of anywhere else that’s open right now?”

As he’s saying this, a guy we hadn’t noticed before is walking out of the front door. Only a drawing can truly explain the scene that unfolded next.

I’m not joking.

A guy in a Santa costume walked out of the joint with two large duffel bags (we assumed they were full of $1 bills), threw the bags in the trunk of his Bimmer, and drove off.

And those were his exact words.

Sorry boys…no titties tonight.