A lot of you have complained about the fact that I haven’t posted in a while. Soooorrryyy. I didn’t realize that the mildly disappointing existence of a chubby Indian kid in New York City was the sole source of entertainment in your life. Read a fucking book, you uncultured slugs.

Just kidding.

I really am sorry. In the last few weeks I have taken all my shits in normal places, haven’t encountered any celebrities or abnormally sized bugs, and have not had much to say about the idiocy of certain articles of clothing. My friends have all acted perfectly normal….even Sachin hasn’t done anything that stupid, which is something I can usually count on.

Just kidding Sachin. I only occasionally count on your stupidity.

He’s going to be pissed I said that. Oh well, here’s a smiley face Sachin. And a hug. [ ]

And a butt. (_!_)

I don’t know why I just did that.

Anyway, the reason my life has been so boring is because I started a new project at The-Job-Which-We-Do-Not-Name, and for the last two weeks, I’ve been driving everyday to New Jersey. From Manhattan. It’s ridiculous….it’s the equivalent of paying a shitload of money to get into the coolest bar in town, then spending the entire night hanging around in the bathroom.

(Which I have NOT done, contrary to what you’re all thinking)

The cool thing was that I convinced the rental car company to upgrade me to a Ford Mustang. It was shiny red and was the new body style with the retro look. Those were the only two things I knew about it. Random people would ask me what I thought about the car, and I’d be like “Uh, its red and its got the new retro body style.” They’d ask how it handled, and I’d say, “Uh, its….Red?”

And I got absolutely NO ladies with it. I think they all thought I was trying to compensate for something. Which I was, technically. I mean, come on, I was working in NEW JERSEY.

I went to a birthday party for a friend from Michigan this past weekend. Pretty standard. The best part of the night was the fact that The Twins were there. Not the Minnesota Twins. The hot half-Asian twins. If you’re Indian and went to Michigan, you know who I’m talking about. Which makes no sense at all, but is true. Go ask your Indian Michigan friends about them. They’ll know.

Right now I’m sitting in a hotel room in West Virginia (again because I’m under the control of Lord [my company name]-demort). This is definitely a red state. A fat, fat red state.

I went out to dinner last night by myself because I got here hours before the rest of my coworkers. I was sitting at the bar at the restaurant I was at and the bartender started talking to me. Pretty standard conversation, questions about life in the city, etc…but the best part was when he says:

I gotta warran’ out fer mah ‘rrest up der.

Check, please.

But the people are really nice here. Gotta love the Southern Hospitality. I’m an auditor for crying out loud, and in New York I’m usually met with disgust and anger. Down here, we walk into an office and they’re like “Can I git ya’ll a donut?”

That’s all I got about me for now. Here’s a couple of other links for you to check out. Both of these have daily updates, so that should hold you over until I post again.

Overheard in New York

Overheard in the Office